Protecting Our Children From The Virus Of Shame: A Mother’s Manifesto

This morning I was sitting on the couch watching my two sweet children playing. Their inherent ability to live so palpably in the present moment and find joy and wonder in the mundane is so beautiful to witness. And as I sat there watching them I began to cry, quickly realizing that the tears were of both joy and grief.

We come out of the womb and into the world with a deep sacred knowing. A knowing that is grounded in truth - We are okay just the way we are. We are loved. We are enough. It is a truth and knowing that lives in our bodies, not in our minds. As children we are deeply connected to the earth, to that which is physical. We instinctually experience life through our bodies having not yet cultivated the tendency to use our minds to filter and interpret our experiences.  Our being is so connected in the present moment that we are not aware of how our minds are susceptible and vulnerable to the virus of shame, and so we don’t know to protect our minds from its poison that slowly and insidiously distances us from the truth of who we are.

Today I grieve because I know that there is only so much I can do to protect my children’s precious and unadulterated minds. There will be a day when they no longer can just be in an experience because they will have learned the habit of defining and cataloging their experiences as good or bad.  There will be a day when they too will question their own mattering.  There will be a day where they experience the corruption and destruction that is hard to deny as adults. Over time they will lose their innocence and understand that not everything in life is benevolent. There will be days where they too will feel the weight of the world and realize that there is only so much that they can do about and will face the same feelings of helpless and powerless that at times plague as adults.

As a mother it is my instinctual desire to protect my kids from harm. Yet I will not always be able to protect them from the hardships that life brings, nor should I. Teaching them how to rise above hardships allows them to build trust in their own emotional resiliency, and what an incredible gift this is that I can give to my children. When we know and trust in our own resiliency, we are not afraid of what life brings to the table. We choose to stay engaged in life rather than allow our fears to drive us to disengage from life. We learn to reclaim our power helpless when life throws us a curve ball, strengthening our self-esteem and self-compassion that allows us to anchor more deeply in love rather than fear.

So amidst the challenges that parenting brings, I will continue doing my best to focus on doing what I CAN do. I will continue to provide them through my consistent words and actions a way to stay connected to what is true -that they are love and they are loved – so that they can ground this truth in their bodies and carry it with them into adulthood.