Liberating Ourselves From A Culture Of Shame
We are born with inherent worthiness. For those who were fortunate, as infants and toddlers, our parents and other adults swoon over our cuteness and the “silly things that we do”. We are honored for that which makes us unique and are encouraged to believe in ourselves, to stand in our own spotlight.
Yet we are social beings and learn from what we see not from what we hear. As we grew older, we observed the incongruences between what we were told and what we observed in others, which created a sort of cognitive dissonance. We saw how those who told us to believe in ourselves didn’t actually believe in themselves enough to stand tall in their own spotlight. In witnessing others practice self-betrayal and self-abandonment we too learned to betray and abandon ourselves.
Over time we lose connecting with the embodiment of our authentic self and begin conforming to a version of us that our social and cultural norms suggest will leave us less vulnerable to experiences that will bring rejection, humiliation, and/or shame. This taming process can go on for years and years, taking us further and further away from our true selves, sometimes so far that we forget who we are at the core of our being and become someone who we don’t even recognize.
Embarking on the quest to return home to our true selves is a courageous act in itself. It takes courage to say not only “I Am Here” but also “Here I Am”, claiming not only the importance of our existence but also that our existence has meaning and purpose. Awakening to our own self-betrayal and self-abandonment is a necessary and important step when it comes to healing at the level of mind, body, and soul. It is one of the most essential components of the painful yet clarifying healing processes that allow us to stop making decisions based on what we believe we “should” do and instead make decisions based on what our heart and soul instruct us to do.
Returning to the wild, to our own true nature, requires us to face what it has meant to say NO to ourselves in order to say YES to others. It calls us to acknowledge the changes we must make in order to reclaim the power and authority in our own lives to create a happier and healthier life. It calls us to turn the tables so that we put on the proverbial oxygen mask on ourselves first.
As we embark on our quest of returning home to ourselves and returning to wholeness, we often attempt to avoid feeling the pain that accompanies shame by avoiding people and circumstances that make us feel inadequate and unworthy. But this is a futile, isolating, and exhausting diversion because transmuting shame and unworthiness is an inside job. We experience the freedom we seek not by avoiding shame, guilt, and fear but by becoming immune to it.
We become immune to shame when we:
learn how to embrace our own humanity and understand that our so-called mistakes are just lessons we are meant to learn in this lifetime.
align ourselves with the teachings of our hearts rather than the teachings of society that subtly and not so subtly suggest that we need to be more and do more in order to be enough.
no longer feel rejected or are affected by the judgments of others because we have stopped rejecting and judging ourselves.
We make ourselves immune to guilt when we:
no longer feel the need to excuse or even explain our need to prioritize self-care.
stop apologizing for doing something that is different from what another person wants us to do
We make ourselves immune to fear when we:
allow ourselves to live as our most authentic self
make everyday choices that are aligned with the highest good and our truest self rather than what we believe will provide us with a sense of security and safety.